“Sometimes you annoy me Dad.”
Recently, my 8 year old daughter Sarah complained to me.
It was tough to hear as I let the words hang in the air. My choices were either to ignore the comment, get angry at her (“you don’t talk that way to adults, and especially your parents”) or the direction I chose – find out what annoyed her.
“What annoys you about me, Sarah?”
I must admit I was already feeling a little saddened that I annoyed my daughter and was afraid she was about to rattle off a list of items that would further sadden me.
“Well Dad, actually, only one thing really annoys me about you,” Sarah paused before continuing,
“You know when you come home from work and ask me if I did my homework yet?”
I nodded.
“That’s annoying. I know I have to do my homework and you are not giving me a chance to do it.”
“What would be better Sarah?”
“Sometimes, instead of asking me if I did my homework, you ask me when I will finish the homework. Let’s say its 6pm and you ask me what time I will finish with my homework and then I say 7:30pm. That’s much better for me Dad. Do you remember when you do that?”
“Sure Sarah, of course I remember” (I even just blogged about it, I thought to myself)
“Well, I like it when you do that because I get to pick the time. You’re just helping to ensure I do it before the night is over but it’s still my decision on when I do it. That’s not annoying, that’s helpful and I appreciate it.”
“I can do that Sarah, if I slip and do it the other way, will you let me know because I don’t mean to annoy you Sarah, I just want to make sure you get your homework done.”
“Sure Dad, I can do that.”
There was a moment of silence and then I asked, “What else annoys you about me?”
(I braced for the response)
“That’s it Dad, except you won’t buy me an iPad.”
I drew a big sigh as we both laughed as I replied. “How about some cookie dough now and perhaps you will be a little less annoyed about not getting an iPad, because you still are not getting one, I don’t care how annoyed you get.”
Over the course of a year you will have thousands of conversations with your staff – each of these conversations can empower or annoy your staff. It all starts with listening.
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